Object-ivity: Kitchen Utensil Rivalry
Posted: Wednesday, September 01, 2010
by James Banner
"You must become one with the food," Blender said as he began blending the cake mix on a high setting. "The connection will come. Take your time, my son. It will come." Blender stopped blending to teach his son the ropes about the importance of judo while blending. He ejected two of his slick metal rotors from his shiny aluminum body and laid them on the counter.
A drum roll was heard before Blender did a judo chop on the 8 inch radius plastic bowl. It flipped two times in the air before landing on the counter in a perfect position. As the bowl was the flipping bits of the mix flew onto Spatula. Spatula was surprised but began to lick himself. He was so tasty. The white cake mix from the plastic bowl was all over his face. He was having such a great time.
"Here, have some," Spatula said before throwing cake mix balls at Spoon, Blender's son. Spoon was made from bamboo, stood about 8 inches high, heat resistant, with a solid grip handle, and had a round head for holding liquids. Spoon was in no condition to challenge Spatula alone. Meanwhile, Blender saw the batter fly on his son from Spatula's hands. He was going to be tactful about the situation.
"This is no way to treat someone. Apologize to my son, this instant," Blender yelled with envy in his eyes.
"I will do no such thing. Your son is beneath me and so are you," Spatula said boldly.
Blender lost his tactfulness, performed a front flip toward Spatula landing in front of him while the music from "Staying Alive" was playing in the background. He performed two back flips then a whole back flip with no hands and landed on his feet. Another twister followed behind the previous flips all while Spatula was trying to chase him. Blender began singing the Eminem song,"I'm not afraid. To take a stand." Spatula raced toward blender thinking he was fast but got caught by a clothesline. The force from the hit knocked him down. Simultaneously Spoon announced, "And he's down," and began counting as if he was a referee, "1, 2, 3" etc. Spoon raised Spatula's hand to see if he could go on, and was laughing. Blender just stood there and waited.
Spatula somehow raised himself up and saw some salt packages next to the napkins. The Napkins were looking at the action silently. He grabbed two salt packages to use as boxing gloves. He swung at Blender only missing by a hair, swung again, and again. He was fighting air. Spatula decided to throw the salt packages at Blender who then countered it by dodging it in slow motion as a he did a Matrix stance. He was ambitious about dodging the packages and said, "Trinity, can I get some help here?" knowing that Trinity was not in the apartment to begin with. Then he rephrased, "Son, hand me that bubble gun, hurry." Spoon handed it to him quickly. Blender grabbed the bubble gun, added detergent solution, ran toward Spatula, slid under him and squeezed off two bubbles popping Spatula in the eyes. It worked out because Spatula was now blinded with bubbles.
Spoon raced toward Spatula doing a 1-2 judo punch then a twist kick knocking him on the counter. The battle had been won until a hand picked up Spoon and threw him the dishwasher. Blender was so distraught by the event that he lost focus. Spatula got up slowly regained what little strength he had and thrust forward kicking blender so hard that his cord unplugged. Spatula celebrated by jumping inside the bowl and begin licking his face again.
This Article has been viewed 296 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Your opening sentence is very funny! I like the way the action develops and picks up pace, pulling everybody into the fray - uh, the mixing bowl!Thanks. I wanted to add some action into this one. Blender reminds me of Mr. Miyagi in Karate Kid. "You can do it Daniel-son. Wax on, wax off."
I won't look at my kitchen appliances in the same way again. Thank you for creating a picture of restrained chaos in the kitchen - all without human involvement :) I love it.It's tough to think of these little stories in the beginning, but the ideas start to flow in after a few minutes of deep thinking. To be funny takes hard work. I walk in my kitchen and it's a warehouse of stories. Thanks for your comments.
Compelling and unique - you could be writing a script for an animated movie! Always enjoy your pieces.I am glad you feel that I could write scripts for animated movies. Never really thought about it but its worth a shot. I could maybe take some courses and fiddle with it.
Excellent James, this I saw step for sordid step. Oughta head to Hollywood, think there might be work there for ya. Have a great day sir.Hollywood here I come! Puts on his running shoes and heads toward NY, I hope I make it in time for Ducktales....lol.I agree with you, I do so much more enjoy "Empire State of Mind"!
Very Nice...thanks for sharing...No problem. Thanks for commenting. There will be more soon.
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.